Coaching at the college level can be among the most stressful of all career choices, and—as many in the FCA family can attest to—being married to a coach carries its own set of chal-lenges.
In that sense, Kyle and Misti Cussen can lean on each other. But not in the same way as almost every other married couple in America.
The Cussens are one of the only known husband-wife duo employed separately as NCAA Division I head coaches. Kyle’s been the head boss for the University of Tulsa’s women’s soccer program for six years, while Misti is embarking on her second season as the women’s basketball coach at Oral Roberts University.
University of Tulsa women's soccer coach Kyle Cussen
The schools are located only eight miles apart, one on the south side and the other almost a straight shot north. They share similar school colors (blue, gold and white), the same Midwestern passion for sports, and even the word “Golden” in their nicknames (Tulsa Golden Hurricane and Oral Roberts Golden Eagles).
But, even in what could be a stressful lifestyle, the Cussens have been able to find peace.
“The Lord has proven faithful in the details of our lives,” Misti says. “If and when a chapter for one of us or both of us closes, it’s going to be because we were compelled to move in a different direction. God will take care of those details, too. We don’t hang on to our positions too tightly. We’re just where the Lord needs us to be at this point.”
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The Road To Here
The Cussens’ unpredictable future lifestyle could have been foreseen on the night they were supposed to go on their first date.
Kyle was a soccer player at Southern Nazarene University in Bethany, Okla., while Misti had transferred there from the University of Kansas to play basketball. The two—both Oklahoma natives—met at an FCA meeting during their junior years, and after a semester growing closer as friends, Kyle worked up the courage to ask her out after Christmas. Misti agreed, but then promptly—and unfortunately—tore her ACL.
First date postponed.
Misti, who had to undergo three ACL surgeries over the next 18 months, eventually got back to Kyle and they started dating the following spring. Two years later, they were engaged. And ten months later, they were married.
For the first two years of their marriage, Kyle worked as a women’s soccer and golf coach at SNU. Misti had a brief stint there as an assistant women’s basketball coach before taking the same position at Oral Roberts.
“The timing worked out perfectly,” Misti says. “Kyle knew the men’s soccer coach at ORU and was able to take a graduate assistant position that year, and he got his masters in two years. As he was finishing in 1998, the women’s soccer job opened up and he took over.”
Kyle, with an office just 400 yards away from Misti’s, remained in that position for 10 years and led the Golden Eagles to unprecedented success, including the program’s first NCAA Tournament appearance in 2004. Eventually that led to a call from Tulsa, which had won just three games the previous year. By last season, Kyle had increased that total to 12 wins.
Oral Roberts University women's basketball coach Misti Cussen
“In some ways,” Misti says, “I like it better that we’re at two different universities now because he has a whole different set of stories. And hopefully our realm of influence has grown, too.”
Misti stayed at ORU, and during her 16 years as an assistant the Golden Eagles reached the NCAA Tournament for the first five times in school history. Last year, in her first season as the head coach, she guided ORU to a conference championship and yet another NCAA appear-ance.
“I didn’t stay at ORU for 16 years so I could finally be the head coach,” she says. “I’ve been compelled to be here. Kyle took an opportunity at Tulsa, and there was never a doubt that God provided that opportunity. We are both right where we’re supposed to be.”
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God’s Perfect Timing
When Misti met Kyle at that FCA meeting during their college years, she had a unique testi-mony to share. By the time she was a freshman in high school, she knew she’d never have children. Two grapefruit-sized malignant tumors resulted in a complete hysterectomy, and she fought cancer again during her junior year when she was diagnosed with lymphoma.
Somehow, she managed to play basketball for two seasons while undergoing chemotherapy and earned a Division I athletic scholarship.
When they were first married, rather than adopt, the couple’s devotion to each of their teams filled the void that could have otherwise been created by not having kids.
“Between the two of us, we had 45 athletes every season,” Misti says. “So we had never put in paperwork to adopt. We literally knew that God was going to drop it into our laps. We were happy not having kids.”
In 1998, Misti met a young lady from Tucson, Ariz., who was considering walking on at Oral Roberts. She didn’t end up playing there, but she remembered Misti’s story and, five years lat-er, the girl’s mother called Misti out of the blue. Her neighbor had a 19-year-old daughter who was pregnant and wanted to give the baby to a Christian couple out of state.
Three months later, Kyle and Misti were in Arizona awaiting the birth of their first daughter, Cassie.
“Everything went off without a hitch,” Misti says. “It was like we’d felt it would always happen. God dropped her in our lap. She’s our kid through and through.”
Kyle adds: “She actually looks a lot like Misti.”
Kyle, Cassie, Caia and Misti Cussen
Four years later, the Cussens updated their file with the adoption agency, and within two weeks the agency called with some unexpected news.
“We had written down that we would be interested in any gender and any race,” Kyle says. “An African-American woman who was nine months pregnant had walked into the agency that day. They asked if we wanted another daughter.”
Caia was born just two days after the paperwork was finalized. Over the past six years, the two sisters have become, as Kyle puts it, “thick as thieves.”
“They own every venue they go to,” Misti says. “They’re typical coach’s kids. They’ll wear TU blue. They’ll wear ORU blue. They’re just happy to go. They get to experience a lot. Their worlds are pretty big."
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Two Shades of Blue
Kyle has one rule when he’s cheering for Tulsa’s women’s basketball team.
“I want (women’s head coach) Matilda (Mossman) to go undefeated,” he says, “except for one game. I want Misti to go undefeated too.”
Likewise, when Tulsa’s women’s soccer team plays ORU, Misti roots for her husband. De-spite the occasionally awkward cheering scenarios, Misti says it’s the relational, close-knit communities represented by both schools that make the unusual lifestyle easier to manage.
“I’ve been embraced when I’ve been at Tulsa with Kyle,” she says. “The same is true for Kyle when he’s here at ORU. It’s been very comfortable, but that’s just how it is in Tulsa. That’s how our city is; that’s how our state is.”
Even though Kyle is not coaching at a Christian university, he estimates that 80 percent of his team faithfully attends FCA meetings, including some players involved in leadership.
“Nothing has really changed,” Kyle says. “I’m still a Christian coach. We have prayer before games and before our meals and before we travel. All of that is part of our program. It’s just something that we do. I’ve never received flak for it. Our administration knew what they were getting when they hired me.”
Oklahoma FCA's Chris Kaiser on the Cussens:
“Kyle and Misti have been shining lights for Christ in Northeast Oklahoma for FCA. Both take coaching to the highest level making an impact not only within their programs and on their respective campuses, but also for eternity. They have shared their faith in many settings through FCA, have volunteered at our FCA Camps, and donate to our work here in the area. I am so blessed to call them my friends and co-laborers in the ministry.”
At Oral Roberts, there is an inherent expectation from administration that part of Misti’s job as a coach is to also be a spiritual mentor to her players. And she wouldn’t want it any other way.
“I’ve been here for 18 years and I love it,” Misti says. “There are things that we just don’t apologize for here at ORU. We’re pretty evangelical about how we approach things. I’ve been at the large state school, I’ve been at the small Christian school, and salt is needed in both places.”
Kyle and Misti are well aware of the fact that the coaching business can be quite precarious. Especially in the Division I community, a beloved coach can quickly turn into a former coach after just one or two bad seasons.
Despite that harsh reality, Kyle says it’s a topic that rarely, if ever, makes its way into their conversations.
“If this ever ends, then I’m ready for whatever God has for me next,” he says. “But I’ve never thought about it that much. This is what we’re doing, and we’re doing it well.”
Originally Published: September 2013
Photos courtesy of ORU Media Relations, The University of Tulsa and Misti Cussen